SHADOW
OF LIFE
( STILL MISSING YOU DAD)
It’s all about loving Your PARENTS…..
MY eyes full of tears it’s the end of an epoch, it’s
an end of my life. My life my Mum in each pace of dawn and twilight you were
with me. Bad worst whatever situation, you gave me strength. You gave shining
brave RAYS to my life, you hued my
life with the tints of happiness and blessings & today white shroud around
you. I wish I would be blind because I can’t see you like this. First time I
learnt the lesson of this life and death which is mentioned in Shrimad Bhagwad
Gita “Jatsya hi dharvo mrtyur dharwani
janma mratsya ca tasmad apariharye ‘rthe na tvain socitum arhasi[1]”
which means “who has taken birth death is
certain for them and for one who is dead, birth is certain”; chapter 2 verse 27,
my Mum taught me. Seeing my Mum who is
lying on corps alone I am not with her she is alone. I am sorry Mum, extremely
sorry. The things which is roaming around me, “please hug me”, “are you
sleeping?? If yes, then come on wake up we have to move together”, “please
enough I can’t tolerate such jokes”, I wish this incident would be the kind of
above mentioned things. I just wish that, “it would be only a nightmare”. I
wish now you would be with me. Your innocent face is roaming around me.
Enough!!! I want you in my life; I can’t face this filthy world alone.
Everything is gloomy, unclear, darkness on each pace. Please come back, please.
I AM STILL MISSING YOU.
*****
3 days before (before the death of my Mum)
“Is it
doomsday? Probably not, not for this world atleast but is it for me? I don’t think so it came already when 1st
time I saw that person. A person was closer to me whose eyes were as innocent
as a newborn baby. Who know that this pair of eyes is too stormy to swim? Who
knows that?? NoNE no one. How can I
forget that day I saw you 1st time in crowded college campus in the
monsoon or u can say in the season of LOVE. How can I forget?? I crossed all my
traditional Indian borderlines. Golden wings flying higher, welkin was not
enough for me, I had to fly. What should I call him? My lover? My Enemy? Or my
Husband? I know not. All the dreamy
stars were dancing on my path. I was a girl who can see everything but never
showed anything just to hold some relations surviving my end I know I can stay
in this stunning world for only few days I need to share something - My last gift
for my daughter.
“Dear,
Baby
Angel
Today a 65 years
old woman sees her face in the mirror, dark circles around her eyes, wrinkles
which are not ready to leave her. Who am I? Am I that same princess who used to
be with her father all the time. Small fingers holding dad’s hand looking at
her dady only. Craving in front of her dady “please love me I can be your son
just give me a chance I can do anything for you dad please just have small
glance at me please”. I am the creator of my own personality, for whom did I do
it?? For u dad, only for you. Why you did this with me? Why?? I have lot of
precious memories with you. You used to be my protagonist. (It is the truth of
life “you won’t receive love form whom you love the most in this world)
I still remember that “day when
we both were going to ‘Gents saloon’ and you made them to give me boyish looks,
my boy cut hair with blue jeans and white t-shirt. I was just looking like a
boy. An 8 years old girl thought that she is a boy, how silly she was!! No one can challenge the rule of nature, no
one can go beyond the rule of nature, same happened with this silly girl who
received nature’s gift. First time I felt that I am a girl and I can’t be my
father’s son”. After realizing or facing few facts of life I was bit shocked,
but somewhere I was happy and I think it was the happiness of my beauty and
attraction of my opposite sex towards me. Finally completed my matriculation
and I scored average marks as usual dad was not so happy. After two years completed
my inter college still my 1st love is my dad only. (My first love is
my father and I think every girl’s first love is their father only)
Neither happy nor sad first year of
my LAW or you can say first year f my love life (well three things in
life never give their inklings they are love, disease and obstacles. No one can
predict them and they happen generally). In Crowded College campus suddenly saw
one face smiling face with lot of pride and attitude still something was
different in him and gradually we came closer. Law studies, love life
everything went so easily I thought that life is very easy to spend with your
dear ones and I think it was my biggest mistake I took life so easy I forgot
that obstacles starts from here. Love is not the end of life beyond that we all
need to think one day giving a beautiful name to relation is a big task and in
India it is not only a big task but impossibility. Orthodox society, rigid
rules and regulations of different communities, casts, religions etc. in India
where thousands number of casts, communities resides in one place, and they all
have their own values, norms etc. during those days love marriage was still in
struggle. However it was welcomed by many people but yet it was impossible in
twentieth century and in my family love marriage word was like a taboo phrase
which we couldn’t or even think of using. Sacrificed my love not for myself but
for my dad. It was also for you dad might be I was not a boon for you but I
didn’t want to become bane for you. My incomplete love was my Mr.Right but
honestly speaking it was not my incomplete love because I still love him and we
complete each other (well saying “love is sacrifice”).
Finally twenty-six year old girl married twenty-nine
year old young, rich, handsome man but the bond of love was not as strong as it
would be if my Mr. Right would be there instead. But we always acted like a
best happy couple only for you my Baby Angel. We never wanted to show you the
differences which we had. Giving birth to a child is an unpredictable fortune
no one can deny or hate their motherhood or fatherhood. My first and last child
my “Baby Angel” who gave an awesome meaning to my life (my third and last
love). When I saw you first time I promised myself that I won’t let u make the
same sacrifice I did. You will be a bold, fun loving, ambitious girl and no
matter whatever I raised you in that manner. I am proud now after seeing my
young, bold Baby Angel. I don’t even think of my past when I see my Baby Angel.
Whatever life gave me now I am satisfied with it (Truly said “contentment is
happiness”) and you are my contentment. I lost your father so early. Might be
we both were not a lovable couple but I know your dad was the best father of
this world I didn’t love him as my husband but I loved him your father. Losing your
father can be a very painful thing to bear, yet I tried my best to give you a
mother’s and father’s love. Thank you
very much for giving me such beautiful memories. This is my last gift which is
“paper written” for you my Baby Angel & you can keep it with you for entire
life, which will make my presence felt to you. Last two things I would like to
say are “I love you” & “Thank you” for being in my life when you will read
this letter I won’t be in this world but don’t worry I am still holding your
hand and you are still safe in my arms. Man is mortal but the soul of man is
immortal I am always with you to protect you from dusty and filthy parts of
this society. I will remain alive in your memories and dreams forever.
Your
Old woman (your Mum”)
- Present Baby Angel -
Still tears come out from my eyes when I think of my Mum. My wonderful
Mum who was actually a fairy. A Fairy with golden wings who made my life
colorful with lot of happiness. Whatever I am because of you. Your presence
which is still alive in my heart which will remain alive in my life forever.
However I never gave you any precious gift. However I dedicate these few lines
for you:
Your care is still with me,
Your
face still I can see.
Clandestine
love of yours I always received,
Somewhere
you are twinkling on this welkin.
You
lightened my life,
Now,
you are lightening the sky.
You
are brightening like a sun,
I
am proudly saying you are my fairy Mum.
Thank
you very much,
Love
you, love you a lot mum…. <3
Relationship of parents and children is very
different and difficult to understand or we can say it’s totally unique compare
to other relations which exist in this world. Some relations in this world we
pick and some god selects for us. Respect those relations which is either made
by us or made by god each and every relation has its own identity. We miss
relations when we feel that we are about to lose or we are going far away from
them. Sometimes we deny our love towards our parents but we actually silently
love them a lot without any selfish behavior of human being. How strange
someone is there who care for us, sacrifice for us bear all the unwanted
situations of life, just to give us beautiful life and prosperous future.
Family we all need but the relation of parents & children unpredictable. Twenty-six
alphabets of English and numerous alphabets of different language are still
unable to define such relations which plays vital role in our life and keep in
touch forever and ever. Keep smiling somewhere someone is there who is happy
because of your smile. Your smile is the only path to reach at their
destination. Soul’s destination either will be hell or heaven but the heart’s
last destination is only & only love & during the end of life we miss
our adorable and always feel that “I wish you would be here, I wish it wouldn’t
happen that time, I wish I would be able to change my fate, I wish I would have
told this few years back, we wish & we wish all the time but it’s out of
our control we are only puppets we only can wish completion of those wishes is
depends only on the super natural forces”. I only wishing and counting my days
& measuring this dawn and night
heart is saying keep smiling your Mum is looking at you and calling you,
you have to meet her, your time is over now.
Keep smiling…….
<3
Some stories remain incomplete forever…
<3
[1]
Shrimad Bhagwad Gita, Chapter 2 verse 27. A very well know “Hindu Epic” which
constitutes numerous facts of life.
