Best Father, unfaithful husband- A letter to father

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Beloved Papa,

First of all I would like to say thanks to you and mom as you both gave me birth. You and mom didn’t kill me when I was in mom’s womb. I know that I was your unwanted child as you already had decent family planning but I came in this world by mistake. After an attempt of abortion I still survived completely by god’s grace.

Papa, I really love you a lot and I would be loving you this much even after my marriage and I know that you also love me a lot. You always have taken proper care of me. You always have saved me from the hardship of this artificial and filthy world. I always wanted to be your son instead of your daughter so that I can live with you forever and I agree that you never discriminated with me on gender basis. You taught me several things that helped me to survive in this world.

Today, I am a proud woman only because of you as you gave me proper education; you taught me moral values and most importantly you always encouraged me to fight for my rights. I remember how you supported me when the entire society was against me when I took a decision to call off my engagement.

We always have shared an awesome bonding of father and daughter. I always wish to god to give everyone a father like you but I do not wish that god should give anyone a husband as you are.

You were/are amazing father but not amazing husband. Since my childhood I have seen those fights between you and mom and after each fight mom used to cry a lot. I know that you had past affairs too and I believe you still have. I always ask myself that why didn’t mom leave you even after knowing that you have extra marital-affairs?? May be an illiterate woman from a rigid Indian Community do not have that right to access in order to protect her own self respect.

I don’t want my future husband/partner to be like you. Actually I do not expect any honesty or loyalty from male society as you have sown that seed in me. I have seen your cold behaviour towards my mom and that behaviour of yours turned me so stone-hearted that today I do not believe in the concept of marriage.

I know you were/are with mom because you had/have to be with her in order to perform social rituals and rites towards this artificial society. But your broken marriage has always given me a tremendous pain inside and consequentially I started getting scared from marriage talks.

I am afraid of commitment. I always feel if you’re this trait comes within me; or if my future husband/partner would do what you have done to my mom. I know it would become painful for you as well to see my sufferings but I guess that would be the only possible way that could make you to feel my mom’s pain.

Somewhere I try my best to understand your situations but being a woman I am completely against of sharing my husband/partner with any other woman.

You always ask me that what sort of person I want in my life as my future husband/partner I always scream inside me that “definitely not like you”. Yet, I still love my father in the same proportion as I hate my mother’s husband but I understand my mother’s husband’s love life and somewhere it was one of the reasons I never have  interfered between you and mom.

I know relations are complicated and confusing but you have made them in this way and I run from commitments because I don’t want to repeat this history. I don’t want to be that victim which sounds like my mom.

I want to stay alone forever if not alone then probably with the person without any expectations and commitments because I am afraid of commitments in real life. 

Yours,

 Unwanted Child.

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Its completely an imaginary letter intended to tell the men society that how you treat your wife is going to be judged by your own daughter, so be nice with your wife.... avoid domestic violence. Some domestic violence can be something similar to what I have stated in this letter... and this violence remains unheard within the four corners of a room.    

I was Loving you not Using you.....!!

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We care for others point of view so much that sometimes we ignore our own thinking. Why does it happen? May be because we want to prove others that we aren’t wrong but have we ever thought why are we proving? Instead of having long discussions on WhatsApp groups or FB messenger why can’t we just let it go?? May be just because we want to show others that how good human beings we are!!

Life is so strange. Sometimes you fall in love and everything looks so beautiful. We give numerous perpetual future promises for some non existing events. And unexpectedly after few years you feel out of love and everything looks so stupid and consequentially people break their love relations and everything looks so ugly. Some people feel to commit suicide due to failure of love life that I always have found more worst than love failure.

Why can’t we be happy when we take/give breakups?? Can love be successful only when both the parties are involved? No, it is not necessary. We can be happy even after our breakups. Break up is nothing just a process that slowly removes the layer of blindness from your eyes.

And in this journey of breakups and patch-ups we become the time pass conversation for some other third person. Why can’t we follow the policy of confidentiality even after our breakups??

We misinterpret everything in our life. Likeness looks love, love looks likeness and this is how life turns into a mess. We always misinterpret love. Love isn’t about giving pain to your partner; love isn’t about giving inferior feelings to your partner; love isn’t about being rude to your partner; Love isn’t about hating when you are no more together.

Love was never boastful and it cannot be as it has believed only in giving. It is sad to see some people use the words like “he/she used me” and sometimes they hate that person because he/she left them. If your love dies when that person leaves you then sorry it wasn’t love only. I do not mean to say that go for one sided love but I mean to say instead of showing hatred, anger and using rustic words about your partner why can’t you just accept it the way you had accepted them when they used to love you??.  

When both the partners love equally indeed it is the best feeling in the world that cannot be defined by anyone. Love is true when you love someone with the flow of river and losses your identity completely by diluting yourself into an ocean of love.

Does love happen once?? Well, it is always difficult to answer. I never believed in the concept of number of love as I don’t think that love happens once, twice or thrice I just believe that love happens and it can happen at any point of time.

And you should admire your love when you are still together when everyone opposed you for being together but still you stood for your love without caring for society at large and number of friends at small. Admiration gives nothing substantial but fills you with emotional strength. 

When you are in love you actually devote into each other emotionally, physically and spiritually instead of using each other. 

Respect your partner’s decision even when their decision is against your love. It’s easy to fall in love but it’s difficult to love them when they don’t love you anymore. Marriage is not a permanent solution for making your partner completely yours forever.

Sometimes love can happen at the worst situation. Nothing is wrong or right when you are in love it just happens without any reason. If there is any reason to love someone then surely it’s not love. Love is like water- pure, pious and in the end of your day it gives you contentment.    

“Love cannot be jealous, love cannot be boastful, it cannot be selfish, and it cannot be rude- A Walk to Remember”.  

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तेरा एहसास.....

साहिल ,

शाम का बढ़ता अँधेरा तेरे चेहरे के उजाले से रौशन हो जाता है, 

तुझमे समाता है दिल मेरा, तो कभी समंदर के किनारों में ढूंढता है तेरा आशियाना 

इस दिल की ख़्वाहिश तो हर पल तेरे होने का सुकुन महसूस करना है,

ये एहसास और कुछ नहीं, मेरी ज़िन्दगी जीने का वजूद है!

तेरे सपने सजाए थे कभी इन नन्ही आँखों ने, जब दिल ने दिल को समझा था!

तेरा अक्स बुना था मैंने अपने ख्वाबो के धागो से, जब तेरा एहसास ही मेरा सबकुछ था!

अकस्मात् ही टकरा गया तू मुझसे इस भीड़ भरी दुनिया में!

सुकुन मिला दिल को जब देखा सपनो को मुक्कद्दर बनते, तेरे वजुद में ढलते!

Marriage- How it impacts Love-Relationships...

 

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"Rahul, I do Love you, it’s just that I don't want to get married now. I am just 24 and I want to explore my life, that's it." 

I never wanted to be so rude with him but he was not ready to understand my single point and broke all his relations with me.

I remember when I met him for the first time 6 years ago in my law college; it was indeed a best moment of my life. We both were so happy but this marriage part always used to upset me as I needed some time before to get married. I was not that type of girl who could handle typical Indian traditional families and I knew that I cannot act like best Bahu, Bhabhi etc. 

It’s been 2 years we haven't spoke to each other but I really didn't break up with him it was all circumstances which compelled me to get separated from him. Yes, I do love him, I really cannot forget him. He was my first kiss, my first love and my first sex. 

His soul gave a very essential fragrance and impact to my character which helped me to glow even more as a better person.

I know that the word "Sex" creates so much excitement in everyone's mind but it's just an amazing incident which makes relationship even more beautiful and fills life with flowery fragrance of love. He was my life and I guess still he is and being one of the reason which didn't ever allow me to get involve with anyone in love sense.

He still lives in my memories and still I cherish those moments which I had spent with him.  

I remember that time which helped us to come closer and it was---------

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"It was Saturday and he called me up--------

"Let’s meet up today will go for a movie, what say??"

"Yeah sure"...

12 o" clock noon we met at Inox theatre in Mumbai and after watching Two-states movie we rushed ahead to our respective destinations.

I remember that day when he was hesitating to ask me for something but I couldn't figure it out; after a jiffy he said-

"Will you mind to stay at my flat?? As we can spend some good time together"

I was not so shocked at all because I had lot of male friends with whom I used to hang out in group and without even giving a second thought I nodded in affirmative way as I was already excited to see my beloved's personal stuff.

We reached at his flat and then I saw such a horror part of his flat which one can see when few guys live all alone in PG.

It was the dirtiest place which I had ever seen in my life. We had lots of formal talk, we were dating each other too but we never had any romantic sort of moments during initial period of our relationship as we both were two different persons our choices and likeness were totally opposite to each other.

After seeing his smelly flat; I was really not willing to stay there for a second also but just for the sake of his happiness I barely managed to stay and that decision of mine changed my life. I had sex for the first time and from that day onwards our life also changed and relationship too.

We became so crazy for each other which I never expected that a girl like me can do so. Indeed it was a best part of my life and my relationship grew even stronger after having that amazing moment together with my lover.  

But as usual it turns mandatory after a period of time to decide about marriage and I was not that sort of person who would prefer to get married so early.

And that decision impacted my love- story too.

He proposed me for marriage for which I was not ready atleast for few years and that gave forever impact to my life and today I am 35 still sweet single and madly in love with him".

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But I still love him because for me marriage doesn’t impact relationship and in India for almost 80% population marriage impacts so much that they break their relationships too if their partner seeks some time to get cozy with the concept of marriage. 

For me marriage does not play as essential role as my feelings. Marriage is just an institution which validate the physical intimation of couples. Indeed its important but it should not come at the cost of your partner's happiness.

One question always run in my mind that “When you love someone so truly then how come such a small & tiny issue becomes so relevant that you become least bother for your relationship over man-made regulations which is known as marriage??

 

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This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

It still impacts me.....

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

One thing always hurts me and compels me to think about the reasons why god has created this world for us? What hurts more?? Love? Or its rejection or cold behaviour of your loved ones??

Life has always been cruel  to Vrinda and sometimes the most innocent child but in all these life's emotional trauma if something really impacted her mind then I would say its “Emotions” which impacted and created a substantial effect on her soul forever.

We make thousands of promises for future events which do not even exist while making such promises; but when gradually that time comes we realise how stupid we were!! We made several promises but life wanted something else from us.

This below mentioned emotional poem is a silent part of some untold emotions of a matured Vrinda who realised the main cause of her mental trauma but decided to be nice with the cruel life. This is how life goes on and keeps on moving with the flow.

 

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Was it really true?

I was standing near the crowded Mumbai beach,

My painful voice of heart was screaming shouting to call you back but to your egoistic heart it couldn't reach,

I stabbed inside my heart to take out my feelings for you,

My dreams were lying on the dying dew.

Were you really in love with me or were love lying only in me??

Emotional trauma of my heart why only you couldn't see??

Was it a love story of “I" and "you” or were there of us together "we"??

Were you actually working for us or just trying to be busy bee.

Thought of murder of our love story gives me a tremendous pain

I managed to walk miles to meet you in heavy rain.

You called my efforts and love as only a stain

Now I have shifted you from my heart to brain.

Was this so called feelings just a temporary love flue?

Or you actually had intention to stick with me like glue??

We plan so much for our future which does not even exist when we are together.

What is bad about Mumbai??

Actually it’s a great city to live if you want to stay in India. But the worst part of it is that your tears will get melt in heavy rain and your painful voice will remain unheard due to crowded voice of its population.

Love happens, gives immense happiness to everyone but it comes with the cost which is really expensive and for the whole life you will keep on compensating with your tears.

Love doesn’t hurt but if it happens to wrong person then it gives durable dark spots on your heart.  

What remains in your hand  after loving someone truly and relentlessly??

“ Just a thought of love and to be loved by someone special whom you had loved once and forever”

Yes, your memories and love still impacts me!!! 

An Open Letter to Current (BF)

Dear Boy Friend,

You say that you love me a lot.  Yes, I agree with you and I believe you but do tell me one thing "Am I really your love??"  You still weave stories of your pasts. You still do publicity of your first love which I was not. I remained silent and thought about my sweet seventeen affair which was mutually murdered by me and my sweetheart.

You feel your past and I miss my past can you tell me which sort of love is that??

I am still in the contact with my past is this the reason which bothers you a lot??  Or you know my situations very well as you are also traveler in the train in which I also travel for some reason; what not.

We started our journey together few years back, thought ingredients of love in our life we will not lack.

Every time whenever I read your diary which always has different pages for different girls made me tensed. Is this your habit of love? Or you truly love me?

Believe me something is fishy between us.  Either you are wrong or I am, or may be the moments which we seeing and facing are being bitchy a lot.

Well that's not my concern, but somewhere I started receiving a pang of pain by reading your old diary day by day.

Should I stop reading your diary? Or should I stop my detective mind.  Do help me whether to be with you or should I also relive in my past forever??

Our pasts are creating and spreading aloofness between us. Kindly help me to sort it out  as fast as we can. If we truly love then let’s bury our past and start a new day with love which we did and still do…….

………… till the eternity.  

Yours,

Current love story :P :P

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An Open Letter to God..

Dear god,

Thank you for giving me such an awesome life.  I am a 22 year old girl who is fully furnished by you and ready to become a woman very soon.  At the age of 13 (8th standard)  I received my menstrual periods for the first time and believe me I was really scared to see that blood and that day for the first time I gathered my courage and faced first problem of my life.  

Day by day my physical appearances were changing a lot.  I noticed that my breasts are becoming bigger in size like my mom and men society of yours used to look at my breasts without having a single percent shame. 

I got habitual of this lusty behaviour of men who used to rape me by their eyes rather than touching my body. Once upon a time one relative of mine tried to press my breasts and also wanted to take advantage of dark night and my innocent childhood but I gathered my courage and faced this second problem of my life. I had no other choice except to maintain distance from those bastards.

My looks were not that great but still I had received  many love proposals.  None of them I liked and I said no to them so they threatened me to say "Yes" for their love or else they would be telling the society some non existing bad story about me and my character.  I had to tackle the situation and being a female boon of yours I had to bear in order to protect status and reputation of my parents. Still,  I gathered my courage and sorted out this third problem of my life.

I was sorting out my problems from the age of 11 and trust me I didn't tell anyone that I am suffering from such problems as I had fear of losing my parent's trust. I never complained to you but whenever I used to go to parlour for waxing and eye-brows; trust me I always cursed you for making me a girl. 

Personally I do not have any issues with you. You made us beautiful, COA (centre of attraction) and the most brave creature. When I turned to 16 I got to face love drama which is quite natural and normal in this present world. Though love thoughts of a girl and boys are always different and due to those differences which you have made in us; I had to separate from love of my life.

Then a new phase of my life started and I decided to work so that I can be independent but your society never trusted my honesty and work efficiency and blamed me that I am a gone character girl.  At work place as well I was always discriminated by others.

Whenever in my family if it would be a question between a girl or boy I always had to shut my mouth as I had no choice because I am a girl and I can not compete with my brothers. My parents always favoured my brothers because they are going to stay with my parents not me. 

When I turned to 22 my family started looking for some young, handsome and rich men to whom I could give myself. Well... that's not the big deal but I had to give my body and soul to some stranger and it became a mysterious part of  my life; which is still unsolved to me.    

I am scared of getting married. I always wonder why do we girls have to leave our own family after marriage? Why this tradition is only made for women?? I am scared of getting married and the reasons are quite obvious.

I would have to leave my family where I am born and raised. I would have to dedicate my whole life to someone else's family and that person would come to be known as my husband. My life is not ready to accept that drastic changes which I have never imagined when I used to be a kid. 

I would have to wear all ritual things like Mangalsutra, Sindoor etc. but my husband would  not  be even wearing a single thing which can prove that he is married.

I am scared of your traditions and cultures which you have created and made in the fate of women. 

Yes, One good thing is really happened to me in this journey of my life and it was that physically I never raped by anyone. I never faced any drastic physical abuse in my life till now and that is totally by  your grace and blessings. 

Just last request; if you want me to make a girl once again in my next birth, if the philosophy of reincarnation is true then it is my humble request to you that send me to some civilised country or world but don't send me to India ever. 

Women are not safe in this country as We do not have guts to become next Vishakha and Nirbhaya (A very well known and land mark rape cases in India).

Thank you for making me a Woman.......

  Yours Truly,

Female Human

  

Society how should I take you??

                    Society how should I take you??

I remember when I was a teenager, I had an awesome teenage life but yes it was mixture of happiness and sorrow. A girl who grew up by reading fairy tales, for a while thought it does exist but the life shows it’s both sides and everything becomes crystal-clear to these baby-eyes. I do remember when I was sweet sixteen and I had a Muslim crush in my life but I was told by my friends, people and society that being a Brahmin girl should not think of Muslim relationships.

Then after my H.S.C I took admission in law and had my longest relationship and first serious relationship with a “south Indian” guy, initial periods were very fine but then family member came to know and they rejected him by saying the title of “South Indian”. I must say when you are a girl (Whether in relationship or not) you get lot of proposals for relationships/ marriages etc. if you just have decent looks, presentable dressing sense and reasonable amount of brain. Well…. it’s not a subject matter at all, just mentioned those incidents which I believe happens in everyone’s life (Please ignore some exceptions) and in the end life’s circle goes on and the old rules which made by our rigid society keep going on for eg. - 22 me padhai, 25 me sagai and 27 me shadi then starts your barbadi (joke part don’t take seriously)

When I turned to 22 I understood, since my childhood society taught me cast discrimination, religion superiority, communal war and other related social evils. Are we really made for all these?? Unfortunately to say 60% literate Indians also do ask for dowry and supports it in great proportion and 20% Indians misuse dowry protection act just to take revenge from their in-laws and husband. Sometimes I feel to ask myself “are we really literate or we just have made barriers to our education system?? Graduation, Engineering, Medical, Law, Business management are the only thing which make us literate? I believe it is important no doubt but the Indian society has accepted it as a stamp or valid proof of education and it is noteworthy to say these educated classes only ask for dowry in great proportion in order to recover their money which they have spent on their education.

If a child is hungry what will you prefer to give food or Geeta, Bible, Qoran, Guru granth sahib?? India is same like this child who needs common and basic principles to understand human heart, values and ethics if they learn those fundamentals I think they will be able to understand the worth of human life. Please do not take me in wrong way my writing purpose is not to create hatred against religions thoughts; I just want people to understand its real meaning. None of the religion opposes humanity but India when the matter of marriage comes religion, cast, and community matters in a great proportion which results to honor killing and such crime is very famous in Northern part of India. The love marriage concept is still sleeping in the country like India, however nowadays people have raised their voices and it’s happening in satisfactory proportions but it’s still a taboo. We are highly educated, have good job opportunities working in well known MNCs but still we are backward we do follow social evils which has artificial mask of humanity.

         “What Jesus would have preferred humanity or Christianity? And what will you prefer??

     

        Thank you for reading my article. Thank you very much!!

Disclaimer: Article does not contain anything against any religion, cast, sub-cast and community. It does not aim to cause any related damages. Unconditional sorry in order to cause/hurt religious sentiments directly/indirectly. 

Rape Victims (That’s what she must be thinking)

                                Rape Victims (That’s what she must be thinking)

My entire day was very fine

Was enjoying love-life of mine

Holding each-others hand so tightly

Thought my love is almighty

Was walking on the street of love

five wolfs & one cub was roaring high

Couldn’t run, legs of our too sigh

Cursing that moment with voice high

I raped by them, assaulted by them

My voice was full of sorrow rhythm

They naked me but not my soul

I died with purity, not by filth

My sacrifice will light millions of future

Laws made in my case will protect thousands of female jewels

I m still alive in my nation

My fragrance still roaming in this world